Another High School Wedding

So I'm sure by this time in our lives we've all attended a high school wedding, I have attended several already and this weekend I'll be attending yet another in Kennebunkport Maine...that's right...Kennebunkport.  Now as much as we all like to say that so much has changed since high school, we've all grown up, matured..blah blah blah...you stick old high school friends in a room together and everyone resorts back to EXACTLY who they were in high school.  Well, one thing changed...I'm much fatter now than I was then, still a stone cold fox most days, well every other day...more realistically one day...I'm a stone cold fox one day a week.  Any ways the hookers I went to school with haven't really changed at all, if anything they've gotten skinnier; I know what you're thinking...WHORES.  So if I'm lucky in Kennebunkport they will equate weight with wealth and I'll have that going for me.

Now I've never been to this quaint little Maine town, but in my head I'm imaging J.Crew meets Sex & the City meets waspy (defined by Urban Dictionary as powerful, rich, white and preppy).  I used to work for J.Crew (1 point me), I've watched every season of Sex & the City (2 points me), I curse like a sailor, drink like a fish and tend to voice my opinion whether you'd like to here it or not (not the exact definition of waspy so we'll award no points for that one); as far as I can tell I should have no problem blending in with the locals.  BUT just for fun I will pack my Steeler's jersey and wear it around the hotel asking how I get to "dahntahn."  

In order to prepare for Kennebunkport I've outfitted myself with what I have deemed "waspy attire", I will never pass on an opportunity to buy new outfits...and I've given my significant other some valuable advice on what he should pack.  For example....high ankle socks are a hard no...Polo's are a yes...free t-shirts you've received are a no...button down shirts are a yes...and so on and so forth.  So tonight I will double check his single duffel bag and I will pack my 3 suitcases (I just never know what I'll feel like wearing).  Then we'll do a run through of the itinerary and I will give him a heads up that I hate flying...and that since our flight leaves at 9:30 am I'll plan on being drunk by about 8:45 am; don't worry I'll post plenty of mimosa selfies...I know how much people like to be kept up to date on what I'm doing and how I look through 1 of the 50 filters I have to chose from to make myself look better.  So wish me luck, drink a glass of wine and you're welcome.