Every year a good friend of mine holds a golf outing in memory of his wonderful mother who passed away early and unexpectedly. The outing raises money for her church and her favorite charity Animal Friends. She truly was an amazing woman...she raised 2 boys, who are no walk in the park, and took in any and all delinquents they choose to bring home; myself being one of them. She was the mom who collected our keys at the door and would hide them somewhere so that we couldn't drive after drinking; little did she know that after she went to bed we would spend hours looking for them, not so much so that we could drive...it was just the principal that we wanted to prove there was no hiding place we wouldn't find. So every year we all gather at Strawberry Ridge, a golf course out in Harmony Pennsylvania, to golf, eat and drink....and the drinking is where everything goes down hill.
It started off that I was the only one who went to the outings, then I recruited my dad...then my mom and sister joined in, so now it's a family affair. This year my boyfriend, my sisters boyfriend, my friend Andy and my friend TD all joined in the fun. TD and I cracked open a bottle of champagne somewhere around 8:30 am...my sister initially joined in and then jumped ship...so TD and I drank the whole bottle; probably before 9. We let the boys foursome tee off first, so we could sit and finish our drinks...then we stepped up to the tee box to get this show on the road...here's how the first few holes went (this was a scramble).
HOLE 1: We all took our turns hitting the ball, right off the bat my sister drives the ball which bounces and hits my dad...we bogie the hole.
HOLE 2: We all took our turns driving, but I had a really awesome second shot, so we decide that if someone hits an awesome shot...unless we REALLY think we can do better...we just use their ball.
HOLE 3: TD, my sister and I are around 3 beers in...we are now just letting who ever feels like hitting, hit the ball.
HOLE 4: The boys have bought us jello shots from the shot girls hanging out at the tee box, we all take a turn trying to get closest to the pin...my boyfriend hits a drive from the next hole over and nails my mom and sister's golf cart with them in it.
HOLE 5-6: I can't really say, I know there were multiple pee breaks.
HOLE 7: We catch up to the boys group on the tee box, they are still golfing but are noticeably drunk...we take turns driving the ball, then spend the remainder of the time creeping up on the boys group.
HOLE 8: We've quit golfing all together and are just following the guys around.
HOLE 9: My mom decides she needs to go back to the car because she's been poisoned by TD, so we retrieve the keys from my dad...at this point we are literally as far away from the car as we can get; so now we drive back through multiple groups golf games to get to the car.
Ok...so we made it through 9 holes, actually golfed 1; not...too...shabby. Once we make it back to the parking lot, my mother changes her mind and says she doesn't need to sit in the car...but we're not about to drive back through everyone's golf game so we spend the remainder of the time sitting in the parking lot, drinking beer. Our parking lot beer drinking goes on for about 2 hours...we are now blasted. At least while we were golfing we had something to distract us slightly from the booze...but in the parking lot, we're the only ones around (because everyone else chose to golf the entire 18 holes) so the beer just disappears.
FINALLY other people start to finish, from here on out it's a blur...there was food, which I didn't eat I just picked off my boyfriends plate...there were door prizes, I didn't win and there was more drinking. We hang out for a little longer then all pack up to head to my friend Shannon's house for a little picnic/cookout/continue drinking get together. I've got nothing on most of the afternoon, there were garbage cans painted like giant solo cups and we played giant games of beer pong...my boyfriend slept on the couch for a little...then TD slept on the couch for a little. I was an amazing shade of red, due to the fact that I didn't put on sunscreen...and then I just got too drunk to care. Eventually we made it back to my parents house, we all collapsed onto couches, into beds...the floor...where ever; it was 8:30. My goal for next year is to actually golf 2 holes and make it through 10 holes...but I don't want to get to far ahead of myself. So until next year I'll pack away my golf clubs and enjoy what's left of the summer drinking wine...preferably next to a pool. Cheers!
