Every year a good friend of mine holds a golf outing in memory of his wonderful mother who passed away early and unexpectedly. The outing raises money for her church and her favorite charity Animal Friends. She truly was an amazing woman...she raised 2 boys, who are no walk in the park, and took in any and all delinquents they choose to bring home; myself being one of them. She was the mom who collected our keys at the door and would hide them somewhere so that we couldn't drive after drinking; little did she know that after she went to bed we would spend hours looking for them, not so much so that we could drive...it was just the principal that we wanted to prove there was no hiding place we wouldn't find. So every year we all gather at Strawberry Ridge, a golf course out in Harmony Pennsylvania, to golf, eat and drink....and the drinking is where everything goes down hill.
It started off that I was the only one who went to the outings, then I recruited my dad...then my mom and sister joined in, so now it's a family affair. This year my boyfriend, my sisters boyfriend, my friend Andy and my friend TD all joined in the fun. TD and I cracked open a bottle of champagne somewhere around 8:30 am...my sister initially joined in and then jumped ship...so TD and I drank the whole bottle; probably before 9. We let the boys foursome tee off first, so we could sit and finish our drinks...then we stepped up to the tee box to get this show on the road...here's how the first few holes went (this was a scramble).
HOLE 1: We all took our turns hitting the ball, right off the bat my sister drives the ball which bounces and hits my dad...we bogie the hole.
HOLE 2: We all took our turns driving, but I had a really awesome second shot, so we decide that if someone hits an awesome shot...unless we REALLY think we can do better...we just use their ball.
HOLE 3: TD, my sister and I are around 3 beers in...we are now just letting who ever feels like hitting, hit the ball.
HOLE 4: The boys have bought us jello shots from the shot girls hanging out at the tee box, we all take a turn trying to get closest to the pin...my boyfriend hits a drive from the next hole over and nails my mom and sister's golf cart with them in it.
HOLE 5-6: I can't really say, I know there were multiple pee breaks.
HOLE 7: We catch up to the boys group on the tee box, they are still golfing but are noticeably drunk...we take turns driving the ball, then spend the remainder of the time creeping up on the boys group.
HOLE 8: We've quit golfing all together and are just following the guys around.
HOLE 9: My mom decides she needs to go back to the car because she's been poisoned by TD, so we retrieve the keys from my dad...at this point we are literally as far away from the car as we can get; so now we drive back through multiple groups golf games to get to the car.
Ok...so we made it through 9 holes, actually golfed 1; not...too...shabby. Once we make it back to the parking lot, my mother changes her mind and says she doesn't need to sit in the car...but we're not about to drive back through everyone's golf game so we spend the remainder of the time sitting in the parking lot, drinking beer. Our parking lot beer drinking goes on for about 2 hours...we are now blasted. At least while we were golfing we had something to distract us slightly from the booze...but in the parking lot, we're the only ones around (because everyone else chose to golf the entire 18 holes) so the beer just disappears.
FINALLY other people start to finish, from here on out it's a blur...there was food, which I didn't eat I just picked off my boyfriends plate...there were door prizes, I didn't win and there was more drinking. We hang out for a little longer then all pack up to head to my friend Shannon's house for a little picnic/cookout/continue drinking get together. I've got nothing on most of the afternoon, there were garbage cans painted like giant solo cups and we played giant games of beer pong...my boyfriend slept on the couch for a little...then TD slept on the couch for a little. I was an amazing shade of red, due to the fact that I didn't put on sunscreen...and then I just got too drunk to care. Eventually we made it back to my parents house, we all collapsed onto couches, into beds...the floor...where ever; it was 8:30. My goal for next year is to actually golf 2 holes and make it through 10 holes...but I don't want to get to far ahead of myself. So until next year I'll pack away my golf clubs and enjoy what's left of the summer drinking wine...preferably next to a pool. Cheers!
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
To Move In or Not Move In...Together
I've reached that point in my relationship where we've started discussing moving in together....which is big; especially for me because I've never lived with anyone I've dated. There are definite pros to taking this next step...I will no longer have to pack shit to go stay at his house or get up early to go back to my house and get ready for work. We will no longer be trying to maintain two homes and will jointly be able to maintain one (I will have someone to take care of the yard work that I so hate doing). We'll be able to share expenses rather than both of us paying for cable and gas, etc. And most importantly we'll be making a life together, which is what I want.
Now let me explain the opposing side of this coin...I am an OCD control freak. That statement right there should say it all, but I'll go into detail anyways. Let's start with my way is always the best way. Obviously not everyone agrees with me, but I have to say, when it comes to getting shit done in the most efficient and timely manner...I'm a boss. For example, we were putting together the dining room table (I was really just sitting there)...I suggested reading the directions and Joel decided he didn't need no stinking directions. Outcome? He had to take the table apart after it was complete and put it back together because he put the legs on backwards. My way is always the best way.
I also am prone to fits of obsessive cleaning, no particle of dirt is safe. I usually always clean a little something every day...whether it be the bathroom or the floors, maybe the kitchen...whatever it is something gets done so that my house never gets out of control. That being said, there are days when I start to clean something and it isn't living up to my expectations which results in me tearing everything apart and cleaning top to bottom; the next 24 hours it isn't really safe for someone else to be in the house because chances are high I will annihilate anyone who brings in dirt (obviously except for myself because I did all the cleaning). Now I have two cats who bring a lot of hair into the picture (which drives me insane) and he'll be adding on a dog. If I could get the cats to lay down and let me run the vacuum over them I would, but no such luck so far, so instead I take them to the groomers every other month or so for baths and haircuts; so I'm confident in their level of cleanliness. The dog...not so much. There are already a few baby gates in place to keep the dog in designated areas when we are not there....I would expect to see a baby gate in every doorway to ensure I can control her movement. These gates actually serve a dual purpose as the cats, for whatever reason, don't seem to understand they can jump over them so I can gate them out of rooms as well. I keep telling myself that compromise is the key, but fellow control freaks will tell you it's difficult.
The final point I'll make is....what about all of my secret at home behaviors? When I have the girls over and we binge drink 6 bottles of wine and smoke a pack of cigarettes each...what about when I binge drink several bottles of wine...alone...and smoke a pack of cigarettes because that's what I feel like doing on a Wednesday night. How about watching sad movies and crying my eyes out while eating a whole pizza and a bag of chips, ya know, because sometimes you just need a good cry. Or when I spend hours in front of the mirror analyzing whatever facial flaws I've decided to focus on that day, however, this one might not be that big of a problem because Joel takes forever to shower; spending a large amount of time in the bathroom won't seem that odd to him. It's just that when you're dating someone you always put your best foot forward, you don't want them to see all the crazy hiding beneath the surface. But when you chose to move in together you're life is an open book, you're going to see the best and worst; you'll either grow stronger or fall apart. As long as Joel doesn't have a problem with the fact that I pretty much never wear pants when I'm at home, the rest should be a piece of cake. It may take us awhile to find middle ground on the rest...but pants off is non-negotiable.
Now let me explain the opposing side of this coin...I am an OCD control freak. That statement right there should say it all, but I'll go into detail anyways. Let's start with my way is always the best way. Obviously not everyone agrees with me, but I have to say, when it comes to getting shit done in the most efficient and timely manner...I'm a boss. For example, we were putting together the dining room table (I was really just sitting there)...I suggested reading the directions and Joel decided he didn't need no stinking directions. Outcome? He had to take the table apart after it was complete and put it back together because he put the legs on backwards. My way is always the best way.
I also am prone to fits of obsessive cleaning, no particle of dirt is safe. I usually always clean a little something every day...whether it be the bathroom or the floors, maybe the kitchen...whatever it is something gets done so that my house never gets out of control. That being said, there are days when I start to clean something and it isn't living up to my expectations which results in me tearing everything apart and cleaning top to bottom; the next 24 hours it isn't really safe for someone else to be in the house because chances are high I will annihilate anyone who brings in dirt (obviously except for myself because I did all the cleaning). Now I have two cats who bring a lot of hair into the picture (which drives me insane) and he'll be adding on a dog. If I could get the cats to lay down and let me run the vacuum over them I would, but no such luck so far, so instead I take them to the groomers every other month or so for baths and haircuts; so I'm confident in their level of cleanliness. The dog...not so much. There are already a few baby gates in place to keep the dog in designated areas when we are not there....I would expect to see a baby gate in every doorway to ensure I can control her movement. These gates actually serve a dual purpose as the cats, for whatever reason, don't seem to understand they can jump over them so I can gate them out of rooms as well. I keep telling myself that compromise is the key, but fellow control freaks will tell you it's difficult.
The final point I'll make is....what about all of my secret at home behaviors? When I have the girls over and we binge drink 6 bottles of wine and smoke a pack of cigarettes each...what about when I binge drink several bottles of wine...alone...and smoke a pack of cigarettes because that's what I feel like doing on a Wednesday night. How about watching sad movies and crying my eyes out while eating a whole pizza and a bag of chips, ya know, because sometimes you just need a good cry. Or when I spend hours in front of the mirror analyzing whatever facial flaws I've decided to focus on that day, however, this one might not be that big of a problem because Joel takes forever to shower; spending a large amount of time in the bathroom won't seem that odd to him. It's just that when you're dating someone you always put your best foot forward, you don't want them to see all the crazy hiding beneath the surface. But when you chose to move in together you're life is an open book, you're going to see the best and worst; you'll either grow stronger or fall apart. As long as Joel doesn't have a problem with the fact that I pretty much never wear pants when I'm at home, the rest should be a piece of cake. It may take us awhile to find middle ground on the rest...but pants off is non-negotiable.
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
My Obsession with Zoodles
So on my never ending journey to try and reduce the mass of my ass (like that? it rhymed)...I've recently become obsessed with zoodles; noodles made from zucchini. And don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to push anything healthy on anyone...I drink wine while I make the zoodles and most likely reward myself with some sort of delicious desert since I just ate such a healthy meal (probably the reason I've had little ass shrinking success). I just thought I'd pass along a few of my favorite recipes in case anyone else would like to give them a whirl.
I should start with you need to get yourself some sort of zoodle making apparatus; I use the Vegetti, that's right the "as seen on TV" product...and thus far I love it. The only downfall is that you can pretty much only spiral zucchinis or cucumbers, there are probably other products that can do more. I, however, am not one for research so I just bought the first thing that came up on Amazon.
Anyways, the first lovely little dish I cooked up actually involved no cooking at all...it was a summer salad. I peeled my zucchinis (2 or 3 depending on size) and then spun them around in the Vegetti, not gonna lie, I was super pumped about the skinny spiral zoodles that popped out the other side. Next I halved some cherry tomatoes, I threw in some diced chili's from a can and tossed in a cup of feta cheese (I'm going to add in right now this is not an original recipe I found this shit on Pinterest and made any adjustments I found necessary). The dressing was just as simple, 1/4 cup olive oil, juice from 1 lemon and then salt and pepper to taste. Just toss the salad in the dressing and BAM...a healthy substitute for pasta salad that was pretty damn delicious.
The next dish I decided to try was the good old spaghetti and meatballs...because I LOVE pasta (and really and carbohydrate that is in my vicinity) and am always looking for something to substitute in for the noodles. In the fall I become obsessed with spaghetti squash, but since that's not in season right now I had to find an alternative. This was just as simple as making regular spaghetti...I used my handy Vegetti to spiral the zucchini (this time I just washed them and left them unpeeled) and then threw them in the microwave for about 2 minutes and DONE. Just heat up your favorite sauce, toss on some balls (meatballs that is) and top with some parm cheese.
This is my kind of cooking, quick and easy. I may attempt more challenging recipes down the road but for now me and my Vegetti are fine making whatever easy zoodle dishes we can find. Cheers!
I should start with you need to get yourself some sort of zoodle making apparatus; I use the Vegetti, that's right the "as seen on TV" product...and thus far I love it. The only downfall is that you can pretty much only spiral zucchinis or cucumbers, there are probably other products that can do more. I, however, am not one for research so I just bought the first thing that came up on Amazon.
Anyways, the first lovely little dish I cooked up actually involved no cooking at all...it was a summer salad. I peeled my zucchinis (2 or 3 depending on size) and then spun them around in the Vegetti, not gonna lie, I was super pumped about the skinny spiral zoodles that popped out the other side. Next I halved some cherry tomatoes, I threw in some diced chili's from a can and tossed in a cup of feta cheese (I'm going to add in right now this is not an original recipe I found this shit on Pinterest and made any adjustments I found necessary). The dressing was just as simple, 1/4 cup olive oil, juice from 1 lemon and then salt and pepper to taste. Just toss the salad in the dressing and BAM...a healthy substitute for pasta salad that was pretty damn delicious.
The next dish I decided to try was the good old spaghetti and meatballs...because I LOVE pasta (and really and carbohydrate that is in my vicinity) and am always looking for something to substitute in for the noodles. In the fall I become obsessed with spaghetti squash, but since that's not in season right now I had to find an alternative. This was just as simple as making regular spaghetti...I used my handy Vegetti to spiral the zucchini (this time I just washed them and left them unpeeled) and then threw them in the microwave for about 2 minutes and DONE. Just heat up your favorite sauce, toss on some balls (meatballs that is) and top with some parm cheese.
This is my kind of cooking, quick and easy. I may attempt more challenging recipes down the road but for now me and my Vegetti are fine making whatever easy zoodle dishes we can find. Cheers!
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Another High School Wedding
So I'm sure by this time in our lives we've all attended a high school wedding, I have attended several already and this weekend I'll be attending yet another in Kennebunkport Maine...that's right...Kennebunkport. Now as much as we all like to say that so much has changed since high school, we've all grown up, matured..blah blah blah...you stick old high school friends in a room together and everyone resorts back to EXACTLY who they were in high school. Well, one thing changed...I'm much fatter now than I was then, still a stone cold fox most days, well every other day...more realistically one day...I'm a stone cold fox one day a week. Any ways the hookers I went to school with haven't really changed at all, if anything they've gotten skinnier; I know what you're thinking...WHORES. So if I'm lucky in Kennebunkport they will equate weight with wealth and I'll have that going for me.
Now I've never been to this quaint little Maine town, but in my head I'm imaging J.Crew meets Sex & the City meets waspy (defined by Urban Dictionary as powerful, rich, white and preppy). I used to work for J.Crew (1 point me), I've watched every season of Sex & the City (2 points me), I curse like a sailor, drink like a fish and tend to voice my opinion whether you'd like to here it or not (not the exact definition of waspy so we'll award no points for that one); as far as I can tell I should have no problem blending in with the locals. BUT just for fun I will pack my Steeler's jersey and wear it around the hotel asking how I get to "dahntahn."
In order to prepare for Kennebunkport I've outfitted myself with what I have deemed "waspy attire", I will never pass on an opportunity to buy new outfits...and I've given my significant other some valuable advice on what he should pack. For example....high ankle socks are a hard no...Polo's are a yes...free t-shirts you've received are a no...button down shirts are a yes...and so on and so forth. So tonight I will double check his single duffel bag and I will pack my 3 suitcases (I just never know what I'll feel like wearing). Then we'll do a run through of the itinerary and I will give him a heads up that I hate flying...and that since our flight leaves at 9:30 am I'll plan on being drunk by about 8:45 am; don't worry I'll post plenty of mimosa selfies...I know how much people like to be kept up to date on what I'm doing and how I look through 1 of the 50 filters I have to chose from to make myself look better. So wish me luck, drink a glass of wine and you're welcome.
Now I've never been to this quaint little Maine town, but in my head I'm imaging J.Crew meets Sex & the City meets waspy (defined by Urban Dictionary as powerful, rich, white and preppy). I used to work for J.Crew (1 point me), I've watched every season of Sex & the City (2 points me), I curse like a sailor, drink like a fish and tend to voice my opinion whether you'd like to here it or not (not the exact definition of waspy so we'll award no points for that one); as far as I can tell I should have no problem blending in with the locals. BUT just for fun I will pack my Steeler's jersey and wear it around the hotel asking how I get to "dahntahn."
In order to prepare for Kennebunkport I've outfitted myself with what I have deemed "waspy attire", I will never pass on an opportunity to buy new outfits...and I've given my significant other some valuable advice on what he should pack. For example....high ankle socks are a hard no...Polo's are a yes...free t-shirts you've received are a no...button down shirts are a yes...and so on and so forth. So tonight I will double check his single duffel bag and I will pack my 3 suitcases (I just never know what I'll feel like wearing). Then we'll do a run through of the itinerary and I will give him a heads up that I hate flying...and that since our flight leaves at 9:30 am I'll plan on being drunk by about 8:45 am; don't worry I'll post plenty of mimosa selfies...I know how much people like to be kept up to date on what I'm doing and how I look through 1 of the 50 filters I have to chose from to make myself look better. So wish me luck, drink a glass of wine and you're welcome.
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